Full
Disclosure: I loved 2009’s G.I. Joe: The
Rise of Cobra…it ranks right up there with cartoonish garbage like Ghost Rider as a cinematic guilty
pleasure that will forever tarnish my reputation as a credible film
analyst. Needless to say, I was thrilled
when I saw the G.I. Joe: Retaliation announcement
trailer, not only featuring a techno remix of “Seven Nation Army,” but also indicating
that Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson and Bruce Willis would be the newest “Real
American Heroes.” Originally slated for
a June 2012 release, several red flags were raised when the opening weekend was
delayed to March 2013, allegedly for a post-production conversion to 3D. And it certainly didn’t help overall project
credibility that original director Stephen Sommers was replaced by Jon M. Chu,
a man whose biggest credits involve the Step
Up series and a Justin Bieber movie.
Still, even the most skeptical of potential moviegoers had to admit that
G.I. Joe: Retaliation looked like it
was genuinely trying to add a more serious tone to the franchise …and personally,
I just couldn’t wait to see Snake Eyes kick ass once again.
For the
first 30 minutes of its running time, G.I.
Joe: Retaliation is nearly flawless, showcasing an fun, energetic, and
downright entertaining look at the fighting team with a legitimacy that was
missing in the original. Unfortunately,
once the exposition is over and the true narrative is set into motion, quality
takes a significant nosedive…so much so that even the universally-beloved Dwayne
Johnson, despite his best efforts, cannot save the day. Believe it or not, even though The Rise of Cobra was little more than a
live-action cartoon, it still represented a more competent level of
storytelling than this train-wreck, which tried to take itself seriously but
failed miserably thanks to downright stupid plot devices. And the rest of the supporting cast certainly
didn’t help, because even though it was fun watching Adrianne Palicki bounce
around, D.J. Cotrona and RZA were virtually useless, while Bruce Willis clearly
only put in enough effort to collect another paycheck. Sure, there are a few enjoyable moments, but
it is still hard to forgive Retaliation
for failing to utilize this second chance at getting a G.I. Joe movie correct.
Overall
Recommendation: Low
