The Lone Ranger: Short and Sweet

After Pirates of the Caribbean became a billion dollar franchise, one can see the inherent appeal in reuniting the same filmmaking team to revitalize the Western genre.  Gore Verbinski, Jerry Bruckheimer, and Johnny Depp were tasked with resurrecting the Lone Ranger and Tonto, legendary characters at the height of popularity in the 1930s via a radio serial and who hadn’t been seen in a theatrical release in more than 32 years.  And if reintroducing such dated subject material to a modern audience wasn’t difficult enough, highly-publicized difficulties with script revisions and other budgetary concerns certainly didn’t help future prospects…at one point, the script boasted werewolves.  Johnny Depp is usually a safe casting choice, but following the failure of last summer’s Dark Shadows, his dependability was starting to wane; and was Armie Hammer of The Social Network fame really the right choice to carry a high-budget project that had so much stacked against its success?  Thoroughly sub-par critical reaction and massive competition had many analysts labeling The Lone Ranger as a guaranteed flop, one which would be even more embarrassing for Walt Disney Pictures than John Carter…ouch!

Overly long, woefully underdeveloped, and shamefully corny, The Lone Ranger misfires on nearly every level imaginable, infuriatingly squandering briefly brilliant elements and solidifying that the property can no longer be taken seriously.  Armie Hammer and Johnny Depp share enjoyable co-star chemistry, but the novelty of another off-beat and wacky Depp character fades very quickly and there isn’t much else to hold audience attention.  Perhaps the biggest crime involves the script’s refusal to neither update nor respect the core material, as the character of the Lone Ranger is reduced to a worthless simpleton and every element of his legacy (from the mask to the theme music) is presented in a cringe-inducing manner.  Even forgetting the wasted inclusions of Helena Bonham Carter and William Fichtner, The Lone Ranger still offers nothing to justify its baffling budget.  In delivering this critical and commercial failure, Disney may have very well driven the final nail in the coffin of the Western genre.

 

Overall Recommendation: Very Low

The Lone Ranger: Full Review

The Lone Ranger - (July 3^rd, 2013): PG-13

Distributor: Walt Disney Pictures

Opening Weekend Box Office: #2 with $29,210,849

Domestic Box Office Gross to-date: $87,700,000

Gross Revenue: $217,800,000

Production Budget: $215 million

Director: Gore Verbinski

 

Now, I consider myself something of an expert in relation to Hollywood and pop-culture, but I am only marginally familiar with a legendary character like the Lone Ranger, so I had to question Disney’s wisdom in sinking a nine-figure budget into resurrecting a property that few members of the general public under the age of thirty are even aware exists.  If there was any filmmaking team even remotely capable of handling such a gargantuan task, it was probably the guys behind the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise, but that kind of pedigree could only take marketing efforts for such a risky and high-profile summer release so far.  As the revered sidekick Tonto, Johnny Depp was clearly going to be the main selling-point of The Lone Ranger, but even beyond the controversy over Depp playing a Native American, it was a possible hindrance to future success to have a co-star so heavily outweigh the main character…imagine trying to sell a Batman film where Robin is the top-billed international A-lister.  To their credit, Disney certainly tried their hardest to position The Lone Ranger as THE high-profile blockbuster of the summer, but even with all the cross-promotions and partnerships (which ranged from Subway to Time Warner Cable for some reason) there was still definitive cause to worry.  The nightmarish production delays and script rewrites had become Hollywood legend, and early critical reviews were anything but praiseworthy…so save an unforeseen miracle, Disney’s newest gamble was going to perform just as poorly as almost EVERYONE predicted.

Set in the Old West just shy of the completion of the Transcontinental Railroad, The Lone Ranger introduces audiences to naïve lawyer John Reid (Armie Hammer) as he returns home to the fictional town of Colby, Texas via a train managed by railroad tycoon Latham Cole (Tom Wilkinson).  The train also happens to be transporting a Comanche Native named Tonto (Johnny Depp) and dangerous outlaw Butch Cavendish (William Fichtner) as prisoners, the latter of whom is scheduled to be hanged by John’s Texas Ranger brother, Dan Reid (James Badge Dale), upon arrival.  Unfortunately, Cavendish’s gang ambushes the train and sets the outlaw free, and even though John and Dan gather several men and begin pursuit, a trap is set and all lawmen, including the brothers, are killed; as he succumbs to his wounds, John witnesses Cavendish cut out and eat Dan’s heart.  Sometime afterwards, the recently escaped Tonto buries the slaughtered men, but a white spirit horse awakens John as a “spirit walker,” who cannot be killed in battle; having his own score to settle with Cavendish, Tonto agrees to ride with John and bring the cannibalistic “wendigo” to justice.  Wearing a mask to protect his identity, John is christened the “Lone Ranger” and works with everyone from brothel madam Red Harrington (Helena Bonham Carter) to United States Calvary Captain Jay Fuller (Barry Pepper) to find Cavendish; all the while uncovering a massive conspiracy involving the railroad and silver mines, placating increasingly restless Comanche tribes, uncovering Tonto’s tortured past, and saving his widowed sister-in-law and former love-interest, Rebecca Reid (Ruth Wilson)…in the process becoming the only hero capable of saving The West.

There was never going to be a middle-ground with The Lone Ranger: either it was going to be groundbreaking surprise thoroughly revitalizing the appeal of the Old West, or it was going to be an epic disaster resulting in the biggest financial loss for Disney since they sent Taylor Kitsch to Mars…and unfortunately, film quality did almost nothing to prevent the more dreaded of the two alternatives.  Within the first minutes of the bloated narrative, it is clear that the movie is in BIG trouble…from the thoroughly nonsensical framing device to the decidedly silly first sighting of our “hero,” audiences are only left to pray that the film gets better, and even after over two hours of second chances, a majority of audiences will be left wanting.  As I mentioned earlier, Armie Hammer and Johnny Depp do actually work quite well together, but that dynamic is largely overshadowed by Depp’s performance and mannerisms, which has become so familiar and tired that it is near-impossible to decide whether he is phoning-in his screen-time anymore.  In the end, too many plot points are introduced with very little resolution, making it all the more baffling that a finished product like this came from several rewrites and was able to get the number crunchers at Disney to sign-off on such a massive production budget.  And believe it or not, these shortcomings I have identified are the least reprehensible crimes committed by The Lone Ranger, in retrospect meaning that this cinematic gamble has virtually no redeeming qualities whatsoever.

Given his origin and popularity heyday, it is anything but inaccurate to label the characters of Tonto and his mask-wearing vigilante partner as outdated, and sadly, The Lone Ranger does absolutely nothing to update this mythos, all the while committing misstep after misstep to produce one of the most questionable “Disney” films ever.  And if you don’t think that John Reid was badly in need of an update for modern audiences, case-in-point involves the final climax where the classic William Tell Overture kicks-in as the hero theme song…what was supposed to be an exciting action sequence is so ridiculously corny and out-of-date that it is almost embarrassing, so how in the hell did Hans Zimmer allow that kind of music into a movie bearing his name?  The sad truth is that the narrative just doesn’t give moviegoers any kind of hero to root for: John Reid has been bastardized into a wimp, Tonto’s backstory takes a decidedly dark and violent turn that is sure to upset younger viewers, and even Butch Cavendish starts-out as a scary villain only to come across as someone who doesn’t really deserve the attention required to root against a villain.  In fact, in speaking to the waste of a villain, it seems that any glimmer of hope which could have saved this movie is cast aside for some altogether questionable reason or other nonsense plot-twist…maybe I wouldn’t have enjoyed the film more if there had been a more engaging love-interest or if Helena Bonham Carter had gotten more than ten minutes of screen time.  Ever since The Lone Ranger released and was declared a commercial flop, several analysts and members of the film crew have claimed that the film was unfairly received…based on what I’ve seen, Johnny Depp’s newest failure got exactly what it deserved, maybe even more.

Surprise, surprise, The Lone Ranger was an absolute disaster, succumbing to a questionable release date, unfocused marketing, and altogether awful critical and audience reactions to earn only a $29 million, second place opening that represents a nightmare for studio bean counters.  Against a reported $215 million production budget and beefy marketing costs, Disney’s high-profile summer entry should have cleared at least $500 million to get even close to breaking even…as of the writing of this review, The Lone Ranger has finished its theatrical run with a lifetime gross just barely covering the initial budget, numbers that are pathetic within the proper context.  And to add insult to injury, Depp, Hammer, Verbinski, and Bruckheimer have ALL gone out of their way to blame the failure of the movie on critics…never mind that the movie was awful it its own right, it reeks of denial and arrogance to take no responsibility for a bad film that moviegoers were right to ignore.  Yes, marketing efforts could have done a little better in filling theaters, but maybe the bigger impact of this disaster is that it represents Depp’s second straight flop after Dark Shadows, which may be the beginning of the end for the A-lister’s revered status.  No matter what way you try and look at its elements or rationalize its offerings, The Lone Ranger remains a shamefully weak and altogether embarrassing film that should be avoided at all costs. 

       

Overall Recommendation: Very Low

Despicable Me 2: Short and Sweet

Despite a proclivity towards favoring DreamWorks Animation properties, when it comes to the saturated family box office of this summer, I was most excited for Illumination Entertainment’s entry.  I adored 2010’s Despicable Me, and in the interim, those yellow-pilled buffoons known as “Minions” have become pop culture icons…really, who wasn’t thrilled when teasers popped up featuring a gibberish-filled rendition of “Barbara Ann”?  NBCUniversal unleashed an unprecedented wave of marketing partnerships to ensure that the Minions were absolutely everywhere (promoting theater etiquette at AMC venues while hocking car insurance alongside Progressive’s Flo) thereby sending awareness and anticipation off the charts.  Steve Carell has been brilliant as the villainous Gru, and this time, he would be receiving a love interest voiced by Kirsten Wiig; but make no mistake, people were filling theaters to see the Minions.  With creative brand leveraging and guaranteed clever humor, even the most cynical of Hollywood analysts knew that Despicable Me 2 would decimate the competitive July 4^th Holiday Weekend.

It may not be as novel or take as many risks as its predecessor, but Despicable Me 2 delivered everything that was promised to and expected by audiences both young and old.  Steve Carell is once again in top-form as Gru, and though his villainous nature has been toned down, the character himself has become so revered that his mere return is welcome and entertaining in-and-of itself without a compelling story.  As for the new additions, Benjamin Bratt’s villain was a notable step down from Jason Segel’s inspired antagonism in the original, but that letdown is quickly forgotten thanks to Kristen Wiig’s supporting performance which gloriously showcased her razor-sharp comedic timing.  And, of course, it goes without saying that the Minions once again steal the show and are utterly hysterical in both their original and inventive psychotic purple forms.  The over-reliance on slapstick and juvenile potty humor somewhat decreases  the impact of this follow-up chapter, but Despicable Me 2 is still wildly funny and an overall entertaining feature for the entire family.  

   

Overall Recommendation: High

Despicable Me 2: Full Review

Despicable Me 2 - (July 3^rd, 2013): PG

Distributor: Universal Pictures

Opening Weekend Box Office: #1 with $83,517,315

Domestic Box Office Gross to-date: $345,998,000

Gross Revenue: $781,188,000

Production Budget: $76 million

Directors: Pierre Coffin & Chris Renaud

 

Given the universally-beloved nature of the Minions, the wacky and undeniably good-natured henchmen were naturally going to be the main focus of NBCUniversal’s marketing efforts for Despicable Me 2, which already boasted arguably the biggest pre-established fan-base amongst the numerous animated entries opening during the summer months.  Seeking to squeeze every possible penny out of that potential, Universal Pictures and Illumination Entertainment partnered with over 100 licensing and promotional collaborators in a media deal valued at $250 million, one which would mark the first time that McDonald’s and General Mills have worked with Universal since 1993’s Jurassic Park.  So whether it involved the more than half billion unique sticker designs on Chiquita Bananas, the special-edition Monopoly and Operation games, the mobile video game, the seven tie-in books, or the six-month touring “Despicablimp,” you couldn’t turn a corner without seeing the Minions in some form or another.  Eminem’s “Without Me” may have been a questionable track feature in a trailer for a family film, but it nevertheless helped produce one of the most memorable advertisements of the year and set the stage for the introduction of the brilliant Kirsten Wiig as a romantic foil for Steve Carell.  Needless to say, expectations were high for Despicable Me 2, but there was little reason to worry; with a franchise this popular, as long as the Minions made the occasional sight-gag, both parents and children were going to fill theaters and sing praises regardless of critical reaction.

Similar to the exposition of its predecessor, Despicable Me 2 opens with an elaborate crime in the Arctic Circle where a secret laboratory is stolen by a mysterious vehicle; because the lab was experimenting with a mutagenic compound known as PX-41, the Anti-Villain League (AVL) decides to investigate and recruit a former super-villain in order to predict the thief’s next move.  Switch focus to a familiar suburban neighborhood and reformed criminal Felonious Gru (Steve Carell), who is happily raising his three adopted daughters Margo (Miranda Cosgrove), Edith (Dana Gaier), and Agnes (Elsie Fisher), and trying to establish a legitimate bottled jelly venture with the help of his wacky Minions.  Gru is then suddenly forcibly abducted by AVL agent Lucy Wilde (Kristen Wiig), who delivers the “evil mastermind” to league director Silas Ramsbottom (Steve Coogan); Ramsbottom explains that Gru and Lucy will work undercover at The Paradise Shopping Mall, tracing the unique chemical signature of the valuable and dangerous mutagen and identifying which merchant is the perpetrator of the crime.  Though Gru is initially hesitant, the sudden departure of Dr. Nefario (Russell Brand) pushes him to work with Lucy, and together the two begin to suspect restaurant owner Eduardo Perez (Benjamin Bratt), whom Gru recognizes as the presumed-deceased super-villain El Macho…meanwhile, someone has been secretly abducting Minions and exposing them to PX-41, which transforms them into purple-furred monsters.  Unfortunately, Gru soon becomes distracted by his increasing attraction to Lucy and his over-protectiveness of the boy-crazy Margo, so by the time the truth of this conspiracy is revealed; it may be too late for our “hero” to save his family and his little yellow henchmen.

The team over at Universal and Illumination has never deluded itself in regards to the main draw of the Despicable Me franchise, so thanks to that self-awareness, the narrative devotes plenty of time and focus to the Minions, whose antics are continuously and unfailingly hysterical.  You may be tempted to think that the focus on silly and slapstick may eventually wear-thin, but the jokes and sight-gags delivered by the Minions are also surprisingly clever, meaning that adults will find themselves laughing just as hard as the youngsters who are still giggling over the 21 fart-gun salute…and it is worth noting that the purple monster Minion story angle was a fun and altogether brilliant evolution of the beloved characters.  In terms of the voice acting, Minion gibberish may be your most prevalent memory, but we cannot forget that Steve Carell once again nails the Slavic-inflections of Gru, and the efficacy of his efforts is compounded thanks to the addition of his romantic foil, Lucy.  As the delightfully off-beat AVL agent, Kristen Wiig is able to perfectly showcase her comedic timing and personality through dialogue hesitations, resulting in one of the most original and downright enjoyable new animated characters in recent memory.  Based on these factors, Despicable Me 2 stands as an effective sequel, but closer examination reveals that there isn’t much offered by this film beyond the novelty of its main characters.

Make no mistake, Despicable Me 2 delivers in spades in relation to clever laughs and a fun tone, but once that shine and glitter wear-off, we are left with a story and themes that fall short of this animated action comedy’s predecessor.  As presented in the original, the idea of a gleefully malevolent super-villain caving to the whims of three precocious adopted daughters was daring and genuinely unique, but this time around, both the villainous aspects of Gru’s personality and the overall memorability/screen presence have been toned-down considerably, if not forgotten entirely.  In fact, were it not for the developing romance between Gru and Lucy, which benefitted greatly from Kristen Wiig’s performance, the narrative and motivations of this movie would have been have been stripped of almost all weight and inspiration and ultimately devolved into little more than an excuse to see the Minions appear once again.  And this may be somewhat of a cop-out criticism, but Jason Segel’s Vector was an immensely better villain and antagonist for Gru than this entry’s El Macho…no offense to Benjamin Bratt, but a movie introducing something as expansive as the Anti-Villain League could deliver something better than a character who was largely forgettable and far too dependent on racial stereotypes in order to generate laughs.  In the end, these shortcomings may prevent Despicable Me 2 from earning accolades over some deeper animated competitors, but the lighthearted tones and altogether funny jokes are still enough to keep mass audiences happy.

NBCUniversal’s beefy marketing campaign paid-off in a big way; for the three-day period, Despicable Me 2 earned $83.5 million, a total that was expanded to $143.1 million for the five-day 4^th of July Holiday Weekend.  Not only do those kind of numbers  represent the top five-day start for any animated movie (just ahead of 2010’s Toy Story 3), but they also served to further highlight the failure of Disney’s family-focused competitor, The Lone Ranger.  Add-in foreign receipts and an altogether impressive sophomore weekend first place repeat, and Despicable Me 2 is rapidly-approaching the half-a-billion mark in terms of worldwide revenue…more than enough to turn a profit even in the face of the historic marketing budget.  Looking towards the future, the silly end credits of were anything but a cruel tease for the developments set to come down the pipeline, as the spin-off feature titled Minions has already secured the voice talents of Sandra Bullock and announced a December 19, 2014 release date.  It may not have been the perfect summer movie, but Despicable Me 2 remains wildly entertaining and an animated entry that will continue to have a profound impact on pop culture for many years. 

      

Overall Recommendation: High