Vampires Suck: (August 18th, 2010): PG-13
Distributor: 20th Century Fox
Opening Weekend Box-Office: #2 with $12,202,831
Domestic Box-Office Gross to-date: $18,566,733
Gross Revenue: $18,566,733
Budget: $20 million
Director: Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer
There’s not much to say about marketing for Vampires Suck, as it only came to the public’s attention a few weeks before release. Directors Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer have a pretty pathetic track record when it comes to making parody films, but because Vampires Suck’s main target was the immensely popular Twilight franchise, buzz was building pretty quickly. Though Friedberg and Seltzer usually have some pretty recognizable faces in their films, the cast of Vampires Suck is largely made up of unknowns, but despite this shortcoming, the Twilight franchise has almost as many people who hate it as those who love it, so the potential audience was actually rather large. As someone who has sat through every film in the series, I can attest that the story and acting provide more than enough material for a parody, so even though I wasn’t expecting a fantastic comedy, I was still curious to see how many jokes could be made at the expense of sparkly vampires.
Because Vampires Suck primarily parodies the first Twilight and its sequel, New Moon, the plot is pretty self explanatory. The moody Becca Crane (Jenn Proske) moves to a new town and comes across the mysterious Sullen family. After meeting Edward Sullen (Matt Lanter) and discovering his identity as a vampire (though she at first assumes he is a Jonas brother), Becca falls madly in love and also forms a friendship with Jacob White (Chris Riggi), a local youth with a tail who is prone to chasing cats. Once Edward leaves for her safety, Becca becomes a thrill-seeker in an attempt to draw him back, but when he mistakenly assumes that she has been killed, Becca must now race to prevent Edward from revealing himself to the general public at the high school’s vampire-themed prom. As I said in the “Short and Sweet” review, if you’ve seen the films that this parody is based on, then there is nothing new here in terms of plot…you just have to sit back and watch the cast expand on some of the more ridiculous plot elements that die-hard members of Team Edward or Team Jacob have prayed no one would ever acknowledge.
I’ll be honest, I laughed way more during Vampires Suck than I thought I would, but maybe I was just glad to see that others had acknowledged that there are enough ridiculous elements present in the Twilight movies to fuel a feature-length parody. Among the cast, Jenn Proske is by far the funniest as Becca, whether she is acknowledging the mystery of how every guy is attracted to her despite the fact that her personality is horrible and she’s not that attractive, or fighting off crazed members of Team Jacob. The other two big surprises are Diedrich Bader as Becca’s clueless father and Ken Jeong as the head of the evil vampire council, though I was surprised to see someone as talented and well-known as Jeong (The Hangover) in a weak parody. Another positive aspect of Vampires Suck is that it represents a step forward for directors Friedberg and Seltzer in the parody franchise. Past films such as Epic Movie and Disaster Movie are famous for trying to shove as many film and pop-culture references into the narrative as possible, regardless of whether they make sense or are even funny; Vampires Suck corrects this shortcoming by simply focusing on making fun of the Twilight series.
Regardless of how much I enjoyed watching the cast take cheap shots at Twilight, I still have to acknowledge that the humor is still pretty weak and silly, not to mention non-existent if you haven’t seen any of the Twilight films. The plot of this parody follows the original so closely that some of the best jokes present are only funny if you fully understand the reference, and that is a pretty tall order when you consider that the fans of Twilight who would understand the jokes are unlikely to see a film that trashes their beloved vampire-werewolf love-triangle. I did say that Vampires Suck represents a step forward for the Friedberg and Seltzer parodies, but looking back at the other garbage they have introduced to Hollywood, that’s not saying much at all. You can’t expect the acting to be that strong in a parody, but with the amount of material present in the Twilight series, I still thought that Vampires Suck could have been funnier and used a lot more clever humor.
Given the weak nature of this parody whose appeal rests solely on mocking a far more popular and successful franchise, I was shocked when reports came in that Vampires Suck had taken second place at the weekend box-office. Combined with its earnings from a Wednesday opening, Vampires Suck took in an impressive $12 million, out-performing four other releases and nipping at the heels of The Expendables. Maybe I’m not alone in wanting to see someone tear into the Twilight franchise. Yet, even though it has some pretty funny moments, I still don’t think there’s enough to make Vampires Suck a must-see at theaters. I’m sure there are those who will enjoy it, but they should have no problem waiting to see this parody on Netflix or even basic cable.
Overall Recommendation: Very Low
